When God Calls You Forward—and You’re the Only Woman in Line

It was probably seven years ago that I heard my first sermon on five-fold ministry. During the message, our pastor taught about each grace gifting. I listened intently to each one. I took the test. And I couldn’t get past the results: Apostle. That can’t be right, I thought. I’m a woman.

Things got a bit more complicated during the altar call moment. As a demonstration of agreement, five ministry paths were established by our pastor. At each landing spot at the altar, a prayer minister stood to join you as a witness to what God was speaking over your life. Each one represented one of the five-fold gifts.

Of all the people that were going up, both men and women, very few were going up to the apostle line. And none of them were women. How I longed to be one of my sisters at that moment. They lined up joyfully as teachers, shepherds, prophets, and evangelists. And there I stood, confused and aimless. Take it again, I thought. Skew the results. But who would that serve? And why deny what God has placed in me?

In that moment, and in moments since, when I question the gifts God gave me, I can recall instances of apostolic anointing so clearly. I was a manager of a restaurant, I launched new initiatives for the home builder I worked for, I could see a home, a piece of land, a building, a business, and a person, not as it was, but what it could be. I ventured into new territory as a missions pastor, launched new community groups, and trained up leaders no matter the job title.

It was so natural that I didn’t even see it for the gift of grace that it was. Nor did I want to. This title was reserved for men, older men–it seemed, who would not take kindly to a woman coming into agreement with such a name.

As I stood there, contemplating what my agreement could release or withhold in my life, I thought about my three daughters. Turns out, they are a bit like their mama. And, it turns out, mothering is pretty apostolic. So would I tell them they couldn’t start a business, lead a missions team, go to uncharted territory for Jesus, raise up great leaders, or mother strong children? Never. Then how could I tell myself not to be who God has clearly made me? 

That day, I walked to the front, got in the apostolic line, and came into agreement with my voice as an apostle. 

Here are two proverbs that have offered me great wisdom as I’ve learned to walk in this grace: 

Declarations matter: 

Proverbs 18:21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

There is no third option here. Which means that what we say, with the authority God has given us, has an eternal impact. Therefore, in accordance with God’s will, as we walk out this grace, we will tear down strongholds of the enemy, and build His Kingdom in its place. 

Apostolic grace doesn’t just point out the direction God wants his people to go, it bulldozes the site plan, packs down the dirt, pours the foundation. It agrees with heaven and moves earth. As we walk in this grace, we must be very aware of the power of our words. 

Remember when the people grumbled to Moses about needing water in the desert, and God told Moses to strike the rock to release the water? The next time the people grumbled about thirst, in Numbers 20, God told Moses to speak to the rock to pour out the water for the people. Moses and Aaron decide instead to strike the rock twice. They assumed, since their impatience toward the people was growing, perhaps God would understand and release them from their disobedience. They may have thought that their increasing frustration would warrant two strikes on the rock. But they were wrong. God grew in patience toward his people. He isn’t like us. We are to be like him. 

Their positions of leadership were so full of authority that the declarations they made over the people must show the nature of the one true living God that Moses and Aaron represent. And in this case, those declarations were to be made with words, not a demonstration of physical force. This oversight and sin resulted in great loss for Moses and Aaron. They would not enter the promised land with the rest of the Israelites. It’s a warning to us to watch the declarations we’re making. 

The more I understand the heart of our Father God, the more I rest in his apostolic nature, and the more affection I gain for his gentleness. He could thunder, but he chooses to whisper. He could rush, but he chooses to wait. He could strike, but he chooses to speak. With each passing day, God’s patience with us grows. Does ours? 

2. Timing Matters: 

Proverbs 16:9 (ESV) The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

There was an exact timing for Jesus’s birth, training, baptism, testing, ministry, trial, death, and resurrection. Do you ever wonder why, at the beginning of His ministry, he told people not to tell others about the miracles he was doing? It has to do with timing. He was building something, moving at a pace and rhythm dependent on God’s perfect will and timing. He knew that news about him could spread at a pace that didn’t agree with God. That’s why the demons cried out to reveal who he was sooner than he desired.

Over the course of my life, God would give me an assignment to build something, or clear territory for something that was coming. For years, often my problem was that I neglected to ask a simple follow-up question: When, Lord? 

This meant that I walked into obedience too late, missing the moment altogether, or I arrived at his plans too early. As a result, I wanted to build on soil that hadn’t been tilled yet. 

The first year of the Worthy conference, I remember speaking, and it felt like every word I spoke settled into hearts with the billowiest, softest soil. I hadn’t ever walked with such ease, so lightly. I realized that was what it meant to walk in God’s timing. I realized it was because we had gone at the Lord’s pace and timing. I realized that all my effort was wasted when it wasn't walked out in the Lord’s timing. I vowed from then on to be in tune with his timing. 

~Erin Arruda, Worthy Founder

Questions: 

1. Where have you questioned or minimized the gifts God has clearly placed in you because of fear, comparison, or expectation?

2. What declarations are you currently making—about yourself, others, or your calling—and do they reflect the gentleness and authority of God’s heart?

3. Is there an assignment God has given you that requires not more effort, but deeper alignment with His timing?