The Power of the Grave

A couple of weeks ago, when Charlie Kirk died, one of my dear friends lost her mom, too. She had been battling cancer for months when she finally passed through to the arms of Jesus. 

It was not as public of an assault, but it was no less traumatic for her loved ones. 

In the wake of saying goodbye and grieving her mother’s death, no one, not even people who did not know her, would have said an egregious word against her. Why? 

Because it is the job of those living to honor and grieve the dead. As humans, God gave us this process.

In Genesis 50, Joseph grieves for seven days after the death of his Father, Jacob. Not only does he grieve, but the nation of Egypt grieves with him. Egypt! The same nation that would later enslave his people, mourned with and for Joseph. 

This process of sitting in grief for seven days is still practiced in Judaism. It is called “Sitting Shiva.” In this time of reflection, the spouse, children, parents, and siblings who are mourning sit on low stools to mark the heaviness and blow that death takes on the living. Customarily, they refrain from bathing, wearing shoes, engaging in work, or leaving the house of the deceased. They are invited to simply sit, reflect, and process the life of the loved one who passed. They don’t have to move on and back into life too quickly. Those who visit them in this first week of their grief come and bring nourishment for the loved ones’ souls and bodies. They pay their condolences. They weep with those who weep. They share memories. There is no hurry to be had. Just sit. Just grieve. Just be comforted. 

This process is meant to invite and allow the stages of grief to begin. This is where Mary and Martha were sitting when Jesus came for them and for Lazarus. And even though Jesus would call Lazarus to come out of the grave, He did not dismiss the practice they were in. In fact, He joined them in their weeping. 

Remember, Jesus wept. 

Through this practice, He showed us the way of grief. And He also beckoned them out of grief to walk in a new belief, a new revelation of His power. Because of His beckoning, they left this ancient practice and witnessed resurrection life. 

What does this mean, in the midst of the grief my friend is walking through, when her loved one is not returning the flesh? What does it mean for us as we are walking through all manners of grief, personally and corporately, as the body of believers? 

It signals that Jesus is on His way. And it reminds us that the greatest miracles happen closest to the grave. 

From this place of grief, there is a practice Jesus is initiating with us, just as He did with Mary and Martha. He’s inviting a display of his power, all for the glory of God.

And it's important that we recognize this display of power took place in the midst of anger.  

“When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within Him, and He was deeply troubled.”

‭‭John‬ ‭11‬:‭33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The first stage of grief is anger. This anger is not a sin. However, scripture tells us that we must not sin in our anger.  

We have seen a lot of anger popping up in recent days that is sinful. It’s violent and hate-filled. It’s judgmental, malicious, and selfish. It lacks love and honor. Some of it has been from those who claim to be believers. A person does not need to have lived a perfect life to receive honor and be grieved in their death. Come up to where Jesus sits, beloved. Get a new view. 

Jesus invited Mary and Martha to life in the midst of grief because He had a different view. He is giving us the same invitation, connecting ancient practice and infusing it with His resurrection life. It is a gift from Him, an invitation to humility and reflection, to turn the other cheek. That's what Charlie Kirk's wife did.

As believers, we cannot make enemies of our own brothers and sisters and claim we are doing good for the Lord. And by the way, we don't get the job of deciding who is in the community of saints and who isn't. That is between God and that person. We are tearing down our own house from the inside. We are sinning against one another as we pick up an offense against the body, an administration, a murderer, a crowd on social media, the church, or a centuries-old mindset someone or a group of people lives in. 

If you have been offended in the last two weeks, there is a way of hope. 

If you have joined in the bait of accusation and division, there is a way of hope. 

God draws us to repentance by His kindness.

There are times in this job of ministry, as a mom, as an American, as a human in this world, I am filled with grief. Last week, as I watched America rage over every possible thing, Anger began to well inside of me. I asked the Lord what to do. 

Here’s what He said: “Erin, this faith is a practice. It is not one of words, but of power.

And the power is in the obedience of my ways. It is how you are to rest. My yoke is light. It stays light by way of forgiveness. It is how I lived on this earth, even unto death. ‘I said, forgive them, Father, they don’t know what they are doing.’”

His words of both repentance and forgiveness quieted all the noise, stilled all the shaking. Jesus is serious about this, and sometimes, I think, we as believers, in our "right" for justice, forget the power of this command to both repent and forgive.

If you are the offender, this is what Jesus says:  

“But I’m telling you, if you hold anger in your heart toward a fellow believer, you are subject to judgment. And whoever demeans and insults a fellow believer is answerable to the congregation. And whoever calls down curses upon a fellow believer is in danger of being sent to a fiery hell. “So then, if you are presenting a gift before the altar and suddenly you remember a quarrel you have with a fellow believer, leave your gift there in front of the altar and go at once to apologize to the one who is offended. Then, after you have reconciled, come to the altar and present your gift. 

If you have been offended, here is how Jesus tells us to respond. 

“Your ancestors have also been taught ‘Love your neighbors and hate the one who hates you.’ However, I say to you, love your enemy, bless the one who curses you, do something wonderful for the one who hates you, and respond to the very ones who persecute you by praying for them. For that will reveal your identity as children of your heavenly Father. He is kind to all by bringing the sunrise to warm and rainfall to refresh whether a person does what is good or evil. What reward do you deserve if you only love the loveable? Don’t even the tax collectors do that? How are you any different from others if you limit your kindness only to your friends? Don’t even the ungodly do that? Since you are children of a perfect Father in heaven, become perfect like Him”.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬-‭24‬, ‭43‬-‭48‬ ‭TPT‬‬

In chapter 6, Jesus teaches us how to be perfect like Him when He teaches how to pray. In Matthew 6:14-15 He says:

“And when you pray, make sure you forgive the faults of others so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you withhold forgiveness from others, your Father withholds forgiveness from you.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭

As believers, we must consistently practice repentance and forgiveness, especially to fellow believers. 

Galatians 6:10: “As we have opportunity, do good to everyone, especially to those in the household of faith.” 

Do good. 

We may sit in shock. We may sit in reflection. We may feel angry. 

But we must act in obedience to the Lord. We must walk in forgiveness. We as believers must do this so that we might lead the nations in how to grieve, honor, and love the dead and the living. Otherwise, we are living in a grave of our own making. 

If that’s you, hear Jesus’ words and come out of the grave by way of the power of forgiveness. 

Reflection Questions:

• Why do we feel the need to be so loud in the midst of others’ grief?

• Is there any place I fear quiet reflection?

-Erin Arruda, Worthy Conference founder