I Chose It

As I look back on my early years of motherhood, I reflect on who I was then and what

God has done in my life to refine me, making me into who He wants me to be now. I

recently discovered the following entry at the beginning of an old writing notebook….a

lonely page, penned in 2013, with so much opportunity ahead in an otherwise empty notebook. My notebook was a clean slate, just like the days ahead, full of joys and sorrows to grow from and live out!

My plan had always been to write a book that included these thoughts. Over the years, that dream had gotten buried under diapers, parenting, homeschooling, grading papers, college applications, and the busyness of life itself. The notebook remained empty all of those years, but the lessons learned were lived out fully and overflowing in my heart. I recognized that I needed to share the wisdom that God had imparted. He had blessed me with so many rich experiences and perspectives to encourage others that I didn’t have back then. I had been filled with determination to be the best mom that I could be, yet without a clue as to what that might look like, unsure how I would complete the assignments before me, and overwhelmed by all of the unknowns to explore.

However, the years have changed me in more ways than I could

have imagined. Oh, I don’t have it all figured out yet. That is for sure! But thank you

Lord, for loving me so well, teaching me with such gentleness, and graciously allowing

your strength and wisdom to become evident in my life! Because so much has changed

since then, and yet He remains the same…

“The quietness that I witness in this house at this moment is so very welcome. Yet I

know that there will be days in my future that I will long for these crazy busy days of

homeschooling my two older children while chasing around a toddler. These days are

hard….yet they are beautiful, filled with laughter, joy, and excitement. They are filled

with training these little ones and growing them up in the Lord. New discoveries mixed

with the mundane tasks of school. Snuggling all together in bed each morning.

Wondering when I will ever get to sleep again! Yet trying to find my way and my joy

moment by moment in Him.

The moments of desperation when I have cried out to God…my Sustainer and

Redeemer. He is my only source of strength.

Through sleepless nights with mornings that come seemingly far too early, too often, I press on. Is it to win the prize of a race well run? Am I running well? Will I hear Him say, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter my kingdom and my rest'?

Could it be…when I get there, will there really be rest? Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I will

enter my Father’s kingdom with great joy! But with so many questions that I could ask

Him, why is it that at the top of my list is… 'How will I be rested to serve You for all

eternity if there isn’t any sleep here?!?!'

When exhaustion has overtaken me, and I have gone to a trusted confidant, I have

been surprised to hear the words, “Well, you chose it.” At first, it left me angry and

speechless. And yet, when I took in the reactions of many others to these daily

challenges, the same undertones were there as well! Unbelievable, I thought!….yet SO

GOD! Yes, it was just like God to use my circumstances for GOOD, to motivate growth

in me through the people He purposefully surrounded me with, and then cause me to

rise up to meet the challenges that He has given while depending completely on Him!

He wants me to come to Him and Him alone. He has given me a calling to fulfill…and I

chose it. He has given me a job to do in raising a family for Him…and I chose it. He

made Himself known to me and asked if I would let Him guide my life…and I chose it.

The life He has given me is far richer than any life I could have chosen for myself

without Him. 

I chose HIM! …and therefore, I chose it. The challenges that I face are much smaller than those many other people face in the world. That, I know for sure. But the challenges I face are my challenges. He ordained them specifically for me and my life. Why? To grow me up in Him. And I chose it. All of it!

So the sleepless nights, the sick children, the exhaustion, the less-than-tidy home, the lack of time for gourmet meals and outings with friends, the fog of each day paired with the ability to hear the drop of a pin each night, the lack of “me-time” even to go to the bathroom…I chose it! You bet! And I would do it again … and again and again and again! For it is His Will for me."

Now, more than a decade since this was written, I have a clearer understanding of the simple truth that following His will during those demanding toddler years was an act of worship. So take heart, tired mama. God sees you. He notices your sacrifices, and He is pleased with you. He loves you and your children more than you could possibly know!

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship

-Romans 12:1, NIV

~Susan Mohrland, Worthy Content Writer